By: Verina Zonise
My parents will be celebrating 27 years of marriage later this month. They are still in love and the best of friends after years of many challenges. Most of my friends and family have also been married or in long-term relationships, so I grew up surrounded by what I saw as loving partnerships. Needless to say, once I was older I couldn’t wait to run down that aisle!
I think a lot of women have their own special fantasy of what marriage will be like. Most of us are programmed at childhood to be mommies and wives. For my friends and I, it was always go to school, get a great career, get married, and have kids. I envisioned myself being the ultimate entrepreneur, get married, travel the world, have amazing dinner parties, and be a rock star mommy! Well no one prepared me for the nightmare I initially was so excited to sign up for. Once reality floods in and washes away your ideas of family, marriage, or any other dream--it gets real.
My wake-up call was my dream business got put on hold. I ended up waddling down the isle 6 months pregnant. There was no jet setting, lots of dinner disasters in the kitchen, and instead of rock star mommy status, I was very close to having a necessary (not nervous) breakdown. My husband at the time traveled a lot so I also felt like a married but single mother. With my visions of happily-ever-after destroyed, I never felt so unprepared, unloved, and honestly—a little insane. We had marriage counseling, but no divorce counseling. Hell, they even make you take an exit counseling session for student loans, but for real life we are often left to figure it out.
Back then and still I have so many questions like, “Does this mean I no longer have a family?” “Have I failed my babies?” “What do I do now?” …Family as I knew it and the life I thought I was going to have and deserved, had all been interrupted. Today for many families if they even get married at all, divorce is now the new normal and we are all in this journey of figuring out the “new family” structure. I look forward to sharing with you more and giving you a sense of support on yours. Xo
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