When A Woman's Fed Up

"There's a place within you, you must keep inviolate, you must keep it, pristine, clean. So that nobody has the right to curse you, or treat you badly, nobody. No mother, father, no wife, no husband, no-body, because that may be the place you go to when you meet God. You have to have a place where you say stop it, back-up, no. Say no, when it's no, say so, back it up. Because that place has to remain clean and clear."  

~Dr. Maya Angelou 

By: Angela Mayah Solstice

There’s an old R. Kelly song called When A Women’s Fed Up…The hook says, When a women’s fed up, there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s true. It may take the millionth time of deceit, being lied to, cheated on, or years of built up frustration from neglect and tension, but there seems to be a point where a woman is fed up and done. The pleas from her partner have lost their charm, the excuses hold no weight, and to be quite honest—he’s not even attractive to her anymore. Just like that her King begins to look more like a pitiful fool. I have seen this scenario articulated another way in the book the Four Agreements. 

"To be fed up means you have to start loving yourself better, talking to yourself better..."

It explains how no one in your life has ever abused you more than yourself, and how you will always stay with someone who abuses you a little less than you abuse yourself, but when a person begins to abuse you a little more than you abuse yourself, you’re more likely to exit the relationship. I would interpret that to mean when a woman begins to talk to herself and see herself a little better than her partner talks to her and views her, she will feel empowered enough to finally see herself worthy of more. I believe that men could evolve in the same way but more often than not, you see women tirelessly and sometimes neurotically fighting through the cycle of self- abuse and other abuse. Sure the signs are there, the arguments have been had time and time again, but how do you finally get to a place where you are fed up and take some real action within your relationships? I believe that you start with yourself. There is no right or wrong way to start that journey. Yet one thing I do know is it will take a tremendous amount of strength to leave a situation you had an emotional, physical, and often times financial investment in if you don’t have the confidence, stamina, and self-love needed to do so.

To be fed up means you have to start loving yourself better, talking to yourself better, treating and feeding your body better, begin staying committed to yourself, and believing in yourself—because more than likely, the person who you find yourself in relationship with does not treat you any better than you have been treating yourself.  Soon as you begin to care for yourself, like magic clarity begins to take hold in your life. Where you have been sacrificing of yourself in the relationship becomes almost intolerable.

 "We seem to live in a society that celebrates the women who endure years and sometimes decades of ill treatment from their partners."

So sure, he works out and has a great body but he talks to you like crap—that’s where affirmations and talking to yourself better help. Or he treats you wonderfully but he’s non-committed—that’s where staying committed to yourself helps because eventually you will have a choice to make (hopefully you choose yourself!). Or he is a great provider but doesn’t believe in your gifts and is often competitive—that’s where believing in yourself saves your soul. Surely a relationship takes some give and take, but we all should have bottom lines that are non-negotiable in how you will tolerate being treated.

No one goes into a relationship wishing it would not work out. It’s amazing as women who wells of love run deep, can also run dry. We seem to live in a society that celebrates the women who endure years and sometimes decades of ill treatment from their partners. Somehow their loyalty is seen as heroic, but only because they paid a steep price in staying committed. Here’s to celebrating those who bravely walked the path of self-exploration and unchartered waters. Celebrating the women who walked right into their purpose or had to crawl through the depths of hell after being fed up, but they made it, they persevered. So can you.

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Sex

"Although some might really prefer you behave yourself and not climb all over the furniture in joy or all over people in welcome, do it anyway. Some will draw back from you in fear and disgust. Your lover, however, will cherish this new aspect of you--if he or she be the right lover for you. Some people will not like it if you take a sniff at everything to see what it is. And for heaven's sakes, no lying on your back with your feet up in the air. Bad girl. Bad wolf. Bad dog. Right? Wrong. Go ahead and enjoy yourself."

~Clarissa Pinkola Estes, PhD. "Women Who Run With the Wolves" 

By: Lavender Moon

The topic of sex is a popular one and when spoken about from a spiritual sacred voice, the topic becomes more taboo. Well, in this post, I’m speaking about sex from a spiritual sacred voice. One that makes your body quiver and run over with endorphins.

Let’s go back to the beginning of what sex is; it is the union of two people, male and female to procreate. We can either look at sex from a feel-good, exploited nature (which is what our society is so overwhelmingly consumed with); OR we can talk about sex from the standpoint of sacredness.

Let’s look a little further as time went on, sex became a tool of power and spiritual access. When we visit sex from the Hindu following, sex was a meditation of the Kama sutras which was the awakening of the spiritual energy through the union of two people engaged in the physical act of sex to accomplish a spiritual awakening.

"Sex is a bond of sacred spiritual partnership."

I’m going to dig into this aspect a little more. To meditate and open doors in portals of the mind to create a spiritual energy and awakening which is known as kundalini awakening. Kundalini is the chemical substance, phosphorus that ascends from the sex hormones up through the spine and into the brain by way of our central nervous system. It does this when the sex hormones become activated through mental, physical and spiritual stimulation. Sex is a generated act which stems from the activation of uterine juices and semen excreted into the walls and cavities of the uterus. The alchemical activation sends energy throughout our body from the root through the sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and into our crown chakra energy centers; when one experiences this explosion of sorts it leaves them with a new spiritual awakening and an awareness of divine order over chaos. The ultimate manifestation of this transformation is the procreation of a new life, conception. Carl Jung said “the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” Sex is a bond of sacred spiritual partnership.

"As a woman, it is important for me to understand my value."

                  Sex in our society misses the mark and continues to do so; Sex in our society is viewed as a negative and lowered frequency through rape, violence, manipulation, and exploitation. The culture of how sex is viewed is a trickle down of ultimate core Christian values. When we look at the examples of sex used in the bible and the view of women’s bodies; the examples made are very clear about how women are treated today. In the 1400s in early Europe (early Western society values); women who bled were believed to be witches and magical beings who should be feared and killed. During that time, the western European witch hunts began and followed their way into the U.S. Through the infiltration of Christianity throughout the U.S.; sex was an act that was only meant for husband and wife and only through their union was procreation acceptable and anything outside of marriage was and is considered sinful acts. Sex in this manner has transformed to an exploited rape culture in our society and has lost touch with sacred spirituality all together. However, sacred spiritual sex can occur and has occurred for thousands of years prior to Christianity infiltrating ancient tribes and sex was utilized as a portal to attain higher consciousness. Sex is one of the few offerings that people in our western society rarely understand in this way. If we really look deeper, we can see there are many manipulations and laws regarding procreation and sexual identity, sexual preferences, and the act of sex as it is overused, manipulated, exploited and solicited in unsacred ways.

"...Respect the divine feminine role and act of sex as sacred for the mutual goal of attaining higher consciousness and spiritual awakening."

                Men in this equation of sex are equally responsible for their power and ability to recognize the value and magic of their own offering and sacrament to manifesting life and creativity and to simultaneously respect the divine feminine role and act of sex as sacred for the mutual goal of attaining higher consciousness and spiritual awakening. As a woman, it is important for me to understand my value. Sex is not just a feel-good tool, it is the key to our spiritual awareness and access to our divine offerings and creativity.

 

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**Sources for more info on witch hunts and kundalini sacredness:

Witches, Midwives, and Nurses (book by Barbara Ehrenreich) 

Bhagavad Gita (700-page Hindu Scripture)

Kama Sutra (book by Vātsyāyana) 

Gnostic Media www.gnosticmedia.com

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Love

By: Verina Zonise

It’s okay to fall in love and get lost in the comfort it brings. It’s okay to be vulnerable with a person who honors your soul. We were made to love, nourish, and feel the butterflies that let you know you’re alive! It’s also okay to be afraid. When you are feeling so much so fast insecurities may come, wounds from the past may resurface, but know that it’s normal to experience all of that. To face the unknown and trust in a process in which you don’t know what the outcome will be can take even the strongest person through the motions. Yet the key here to know is that the purpose of love is not the destination but the journey. The things you learn about yourself while being in love is priceless. I know some people say the blinders are on and we do silly things all in the name of love, and yes, sometimes that is true. Yet for me being in love has made me very aware of myself from every angle. I’ve examined what I’m thinking during these moments of euphoria, and even pushed further and asked myself, why am I having certain thoughts, what am I feeling and why am I feeling it, how do I look, how am I responding, and how am I showing up in the world.

I believe that being in love shows you a mirror of yourself. You begin to see the beauty within yourself but also areas you would like to improve. Being in love shows you the possibilities of life and gives you inspiration. In my experience I dream even bigger, selfishness melts away, and I simply want to be the best version of myself. There’s nothing wrong with daydreaming and gushing with your friends over sweet good morning texts or a romantic evening between the one you love. It is being in love that if you surrender to the process can have you see what your really wanting and needing in your life. It directly supports you in getting to know that part of yourself that you try to hide, suppress, and even protect.

Be free in your love. Don’t let others tell you what’s right or wrong. Feel it with your heart not your head. Be in the moment and not lost in worrying about future moments that may or may not happen. Enjoy the loving texts, enjoy the movie night, enjoy the flowers, the inside jokes, the quiet still moments. Take it for what it is and inhale it. Love without conditions and maybe even more importantly, allow yourself to be loved.   

   
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Racial Birth Disparities

By: Lavender Moon

In the United States, Black infants have significantly worse birth outcomes than do White infants. The cause of these persisting racial disparities remains unexplained. Most extant studies focus on differential exposures to protective and risk factors during pregnancy, such as current socioeconomic status, maternal risky behaviors, prenatal care, psychosocial stress, or perinatal infections. These risk factors during pregnancy, however, do not adequately account for the disparities.  Future research on racial disparities in birth outcomes needs to examine differential exposures to risk and protective factors not only during pregnancy, but over the life course of women. Eliminating disparities requires interventions and policy development that are more longitudinally and contextually integrated than currently prevail.

In my birth work, I have assisted more than 90 women giving birth; and have touched the lives of more than 300 women on their childbirth journey.

As a woman and mother of color who is also a birth worker in an inner city, I am convinced there are more women of color who struggle to find continuity of care with a care provider they can relate to, learn from, and be empowered by. Over the last 7 years as a Birth and Postpartum Doula; I have worked in community doula programs throughout Chicago in some of the poorest areas within Chicago city limits AND I’ve worked with mothers in the Gold Coast, Lakeview, Evanston, and Lincoln Park areas of Chicago. The differences of level of care and opportunities presenting for better birthing is so vastly different between the two. If I gave you case studies on families from each area in Chicago the revelation of differences is evident.

Typically, what I’ve experienced in my personal life is this: while pregnant with my second baby in 2008, I was labeled ‘high-risk’ before I got started with a urine test or any blood work. The Obstetrician I was seeing told me I was ‘high risk,’ She was an Obstetrician in a private practice group and once she saw my face, called me ‘high risk’ without ever screening me to rule out or rule in why or how I was high risk. When I asked and questioned, she threatened in a passive aggressive way a referral to her in-office psychologist. (Clearly, something was wrong with me for asking questions about my new found ‘high risk’ status).

Life After Death

By: Verina Zonise

There are many beliefs out there about what happens when a person dies. Conversations about Heaven and Hell, Purgatories, Reincarnations, Angels, or end of time scenarios are some reoccurring themes. Yet what we don’t talk about enough is the kind of death that occurs after an extremely stressful life situation. Most common among these are job loss, losing a partner, becoming a mother, homelessness, and separation/divorce. 

I have experienced almost all of these and went through different kinds of grieving processes. I denied, I got extremely angry, I bargained, I went through slight depression, and finally acceptance. But after all of that I began to ask myself, what was left of me? Who was I? And how do I start to live again? 

One of my favorite people who I share a special connection with said to me "everybody dies but not everybody lives" and that is so true. I feel like people are expected to be resilient and just bounce back from when something bad happens in their life, and never talk about the sort of death they go through, along with no idea about how to live again. Here are just a few ideas to help you along the way: 

1  . Vacation!!!!!  Research has shown that people are just happier when they take a vacation. You can relax and let go some of that built up stress and anxiety. After your mind resets you get increased mental power. You lower your chance for burn out and most importantly, gain a new perspective on everything in your life. (Need to vacation sooner? Ask me how) 

2  . Self Care. When you put yourself first you can then take care of others.  Pick your favorite self care activities when you need to recharge. In the beginning you may need a routine. Baths, reading and writing are still some of my favorites. (Ask me about my amazing luxurious bath oil I created for my special bath times) 

3  . Get to know you. Really find out who you are, what you like, more importantly what you don’t like, what you want to do and accomplish. Find out who you want to become. Once you figure it out stay authentic and true to yourself. 

The best thing about life after death is that you can finally create the life you always wanted. But most importantly surround yourself with your love tribe, joy, and light. I was completely lost when first learning how to do all of this and seriously thinking I would never figure out this thing we call life. I didn’t think that I would be able to live again and now I make a living, living.  Everything is not perfect, it still gets hard, I still cry, I still get confused, but the one thing that comforts me the most is knowing that I survived it before and I always will! 

 

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"I'm not worried about tomorrow, because God is there already, waiting for me."

~Paul Coelho

By: Maisha B.

Keeping a sense of spirituality when living in a negative environment is very important, but I understand that it can be hard to do. I do my best to protect my eyes and ears from things like the news, commercials, radio, and even gossiping. If it doesn't serve a purpose such as uplifting my spirit, I know I have to protect my energy from it. 

We are in control of our Universe, and when I say this I mean that what we speak and think comes to existence in our lives. So if we focus our energy on love and positive things, know positive will happen, even if negative energy tries to sneak in. I've learned that negative situations do serve a purpose just as positive ones do. Every source of life serves a purpose. However, your thoughts about what the outcome will be is what matters the most, for that is when one has learned the power of being in control of their life.  

Please know that you are just as powerful as this galaxy, everything on Earth and in this entire Universe has a connection to you. I surround myself with people living a conscious and positive life as much as possible. I learn so much more when I do that and can feel myself growing spiritually as I become connected to the powers within myself. 

We may not have control over the negative in this world, but we surely have the powers to be the good in the Universe. Leading by example, being righteous, and real with our selves all help to do this. You do not have to be a product of your environment, but instead the positive change within it.

    Instagram:@Maishatheartist 

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    Email: meeshabnails@gmail.com

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