"There's a place within you, you must keep inviolate, you must keep it, pristine, clean. So that nobody has the right to curse you, or treat you badly, nobody. No mother, father, no wife, no husband, no-body, because that may be the place you go to when you meet God. You have to have a place where you say stop it, back-up, no. Say no, when it's no, say so, back it up. Because that place has to remain clean and clear."
~Dr. Maya Angelou
By: Angela Mayah Solstice
There’s an old R. Kelly song called When A Women’s Fed Up…The hook says, When a women’s fed up, there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s true. It may take the millionth time of deceit, being lied to, cheated on, or years of built up frustration from neglect and tension, but there seems to be a point where a woman is fed up and done. The pleas from her partner have lost their charm, the excuses hold no weight, and to be quite honest—he’s not even attractive to her anymore. Just like that her King begins to look more like a pitiful fool. I have seen this scenario articulated another way in the book the Four Agreements.
"To be fed up means you have to start loving yourself better, talking to yourself better..."
It explains how no one in your life has ever abused you more than yourself, and how you will always stay with someone who abuses you a little less than you abuse yourself, but when a person begins to abuse you a little more than you abuse yourself, you’re more likely to exit the relationship. I would interpret that to mean when a woman begins to talk to herself and see herself a little better than her partner talks to her and views her, she will feel empowered enough to finally see herself worthy of more. I believe that men could evolve in the same way but more often than not, you see women tirelessly and sometimes neurotically fighting through the cycle of self- abuse and other abuse. Sure the signs are there, the arguments have been had time and time again, but how do you finally get to a place where you are fed up and take some real action within your relationships? I believe that you start with yourself. There is no right or wrong way to start that journey. Yet one thing I do know is it will take a tremendous amount of strength to leave a situation you had an emotional, physical, and often times financial investment in if you don’t have the confidence, stamina, and self-love needed to do so.
To be fed up means you have to start loving yourself better, talking to yourself better, treating and feeding your body better, begin staying committed to yourself, and believing in yourself—because more than likely, the person who you find yourself in relationship with does not treat you any better than you have been treating yourself. Soon as you begin to care for yourself, like magic clarity begins to take hold in your life. Where you have been sacrificing of yourself in the relationship becomes almost intolerable.
"We seem to live in a society that celebrates the women who endure years and sometimes decades of ill treatment from their partners."
So sure, he works out and has a great body but he talks to you like crap—that’s where affirmations and talking to yourself better help. Or he treats you wonderfully but he’s non-committed—that’s where staying committed to yourself helps because eventually you will have a choice to make (hopefully you choose yourself!). Or he is a great provider but doesn’t believe in your gifts and is often competitive—that’s where believing in yourself saves your soul. Surely a relationship takes some give and take, but we all should have bottom lines that are non-negotiable in how you will tolerate being treated.
No one goes into a relationship wishing it would not work out. It’s amazing as women who wells of love run deep, can also run dry. We seem to live in a society that celebrates the women who endure years and sometimes decades of ill treatment from their partners. Somehow their loyalty is seen as heroic, but only because they paid a steep price in staying committed. Here’s to celebrating those who bravely walked the path of self-exploration and unchartered waters. Celebrating the women who walked right into their purpose or had to crawl through the depths of hell after being fed up, but they made it, they persevered. So can you.
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