Honor Thyself

By: Angela Mayah Solstice

I believe in soul mates. I believe they come in many forms such as a romantic partner, friend, mother, etc. Although I have a beautiful soul family who remains and contributes tremendously to my life—I have felt the stinging pain of those brought into my life for other reasons. I use to believe that no matter the heartache a person put me through that it was for a reason. That I was better for it because it was a lesson learned, but there became a point in my life where that belief system was my way of copping out. It was a reason not to feel anger. It was my way of manipulating the so- called game of life by not existing as one of the bitter people and appearing to be the “bigger” person. 

Yet even those walking around with bitterness and resentment had more common sense than me at the time. They knew enough not to keep subjecting themselves to more heartache from others, I didn’t.  I once heard a sermon from pastor TD Jakes describe manipulation as this, “manipulation is bypassing the process for progress.” Meaning, whatever relationship or situation you find yourself in, if you are consciously bypassing the process for progress, you are being a manipulator. I, unfortunately, was manipulating myself. I was so hungry for love and attention that I was willing to bypass the process in so many ways, even in its aftermath. I was attracted to the sickest man in the room, I found myself wanting the acceptance from the most emotionally unavailable friends. I was doing this over and over again because I wasn't allowing myself to feel my true feelings from the last relationship or friendship. It was time to change. 

It was time to feel the anger and accept that I’ve been hurt. I was not the bigger person by denying this fact, or by intellectualizing the situation so I somehow appeared to have it more together. Eliminating people from your life who no longer serve you or your life purpose can be an excruciating process as you move out of your comfort zone, but it allows those for your highest good to come in and will be worth the effort. 

Until then it is all one day at a time.

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