Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Abuse-Free World


By: Angela Mayah Solstice

So George Zimmerman was arrested for domestic violence. It seems to be a surprise to some but not to me. I was enraged just like many were when he was found not guilty in the Trayvon Martin case. I have a 15 year old son walking around in the world and just as Obama himself said, Trayvon looked like my son. But it went deeper for me. There was a familiar energy I felt and could recognize. I didn’t see George Zimmerman as a racist, I saw George Zimmerman the abuser. The lack of emotion, expressionless face, a sense of entitlement—all showed me the signs. I would like to share with you a few excerpts from a great book called, “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft:

A large part of his abusiveness come in the form of punishments used to retaliate against you for resisting his control. This is one of the single most concepts to grasp about an abusive man…

The abuser tends to see his partner as less intelligent, less competent, less logical, and even less sensitive than he is…

Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control…

Abusers are unwilling to be non-abusive, not unable. They do not want to give up power and control. You are not crazy. Trust your perceptions of how your abusive partner treats you and thinks about you.

What I take from that is that Zimmerman along with any other type of abuser does not discriminate among there victims. Zimmerman not only disliked black people, he disliked himself, and anyone in his path who didn't share his reality in that he was all important and knowing.One of the first things I said aloud following the verdict in the George Zimmerman case was that his life would never be the same. I didn’t say it in a vindictive spirit, but a knowing spirit. Although I do believe in justice, I trust more in the Universe. I knew that life would catch up with him. I knew that his darkness ran deep and a not-guilty verdict did not set him free for real.

Do you feel you know the signs of abuse or of an abuser?

As many of you know I have been completing my forthcoming book The Courage to Change. In it I share many of my own personal stories of abandonment, loss, and mainly abuse. I feel drawn to many topics, because I’ve been through so much, but none am I drawn to more than abuse. Because I feel it is the root of so many of the other problems in the world: sexual exploitation, homelessness, drug addiction, eating disorders, inequality, etc…I can guarantee you among all of those, abuse of some kind played a major part.
I recently had someone close to me go through a domestic violence situation that ended in complete abandonment of her and her children. I was enraged at the lack of resources and options for her—I was disappointed in my home state of Chicago in its lack of advocacy resources, it was a far cry from what was available to me in New York. More than anything It brought back so many memories of my own. I instantly could empathize with others who shy away from these situations because your heart grieves along with being confronted with your own fears and vulnerability. Many of us have experienced or know of someone who has been abandoned by an abuser. It is our biggest fear, the reason why we try and pretend that everything is okay when it’s not, it’s why we judge, why we fight for our independence and look down on those who are not. Trust me I understand. I also understand the feeling of defeat-- of seeing your abuser get the seemingly not-guilty verdict of life after the court systems, friends, and family have made their judgements and moved on as you are left with the broken pieces. Yet let me reassure you there is a divine magic and grace that comes with being empowered, getting educated, healing yourself, and in turn helping others. Below I will share an excerpt from my book where I talk specifically about abuse and give a charge to my readers along with resources for victims of domestic violence. I ask that you take a moment to read through it and make a pledge today to help yourself or others.

Millions of women, young and old, are abused daily. It is your responsibility to get educated on the signs of abuse as well as resources available to women in your area so you can pass along information when needed. If you know of someone in an abusive relationship do not put them down in any way! Give them love, encouragement, and assistance if you can. You have an obligation to the women in your care, family, and community to speak out. If you are in an abusive relationship, know that there are resources and support available to you if you need it. I was fortunate to have family who could help me financially when I stood up to my Goliath, which is a hard cold fact of why many women do not leave for fear of abandonment. Even so, there are some well run domestic violence organizations that can help you with counseling; legal representation, and even housing—free of cost and without involving the police. I pray for miracles and that an abundance of Angels come into your life right now…You can heal your life.

Write down the following contract and sign it at the bottom, place in your wallet or in your journal (somewhere you will see it often):

I _____(name)______commit to giving my love, encouragement, and available resources to whoever is placed in my path, and are being victimized due to domestic violence. I declare this moment that I am against domestic violence. I am a woman of my word and will stand by my declaration. I am committed to do doing my part, even if it is a simple prayer, to help make this world abuse-free for the young women of the future.

Meditate or Journal upon the following statement: Abuse affected my life when

Prayer: (Higher Power of your understanding) I pray for abused women (me) today. Please send an Earth Angel in their (my) path to help them (me) onto the road of recovery. Protect them (me), heal them (me), and guide them (me).

Affirmation (preferably say in a mirror):  “I WILL NO LONGER BE A VICTIM IN MY LIFE”

Reading Recommendations & Resources:

The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships By: Patrick Carnes

Peace from Broken Pieces By: Iyanla Vanzant

The Verbally Abusive Relationship By: Patricia Evans ***

Why Does He Do That? By: Lundy Bancroft *** (Excellent resources & info)

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