Being Me

By: Angela Mayah Solstice

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve personally written on my blog so I thought I’d check in with all of you. I hope you have been enjoying the news feeds in the meanwhile! Well Fall is officially here in Chicago, all of the autumn colors are so beautiful on the trees. I typically enjoy this time of year and especially enjoy the holidays— it just seems that not everyone is in the same mood! Ha! I was on the phone with my mother the other day conversing with her about a stressful experience I recently had with my ex-husband, she listened and then sarcastically commented, “The Holidays are here!” and I laughed. Yet after the conversation I couldn’t help but notice the shift in energies around me. From shopping at Costco to passing neighbors, it seemed people were more agitated than normal. Now I haven’t been living under a rock, I’ve heard the philosophy of people experiencing increased depression, anxiety, and relationship troubles around the holidays, but I guess for the first time I had enough of my own “stuff” worked out that I can be present to the world around me. So I have to say the past few weeks have been a struggle as I’ve tried to disconnect from the overwhelming negative energy while trying to stay present to loved ones, not be in judgment of others, take care of myself, feel my feelings—NOT GO CRAZY! Ha! Being an Empath and super sensitive to energies definitely has its down side. Good thing is that all of this led to a big AHA moment and I thought to share it here on my blog in hopes that it may help someone else.

If you’re anything like me, which I’m sure in some way you are because I believe we are all connected, you have been doing the best you can while trying to understand and learn more about yourself and life. You’ve read books, forgiven people, did some self-help work, prayed, and so much more, hoping it would bring some clarity and happiness into your life. I know I have, and because I’ve been on this self-help quest for so long, I automatically assumed whatever I was naturally doing or feeling about a situation or person was “wrong" and I needed to identify what was the “right” way I should be feeling or acting. That I needed to fix myself or search for the remedy to help resolve the situation immediately. So if I was upset I needed to heal, if I was angry I needed to forgive, if I was sad I needed to be grateful—you get the picture. Well, it finally dawned on me that I’ve been doing the work! Meaning I’ve been doing the best I know how every day while staying super conscious and doing a tremendous amount of healing work—could it be possible that I’ve earned the right to just feel what I’m feeling! Like maybe it’s time for me to feel angry towards a person or situation that’s been troubling me instead of feeling like I’m the one that needs some fixin’. What a breakthrough! Now let me tell you it’s a balancing act. It was hard enough learning to be humble pie, now what happens when you start to get a little bit of that “old thing back”?! Ha! A little more “oomph” …A little more boundary… A little more confidence…A little more sense of self. I initially thought that I was having a battle between ego and authenticity. But when I thought about it, it really comes down to vulnerability. Am I willing to let the world see me sad, angry, or upset? Am I willing to state my boundaries with others? Am I willing to show my God given confidence to the world? Am I willing to accept myself just the way I am? …It can seem like a gift and a curse once you become self-aware because there’s really no going back. But for at least a brief moment every day, try not to hold up your whole world. Be gentle with yourself. Let yourself feel your feelings.Be vulnerable. Just. Be.You.

In other news, I’ve been getting to get out in my new big city. I attended the Ronald McDonald House Awards of Excellence Gala last weekend and was entertained by the vivacious Jennifer Hudson. Who I might add just seems to look better and better. What a role model of perseverance and women empowerment! More recently I attended a taping of the Steve Harvey Show here in Chicago. To be quite honest at first I couldn’t get totally into the segment, I was overwhelmed with doubt as I questioned the realness of everyone including the guests. It was a little surreal to witness people share their darkest secrets on live television, while a producer gave signals for reactions to the audience! By the end of the show, I had finally relaxed and was having a great time. Steve opened the show by saying that we can turn on our TV and see bad news all day; that what he wanted to do was bring to us some good news. He said he wanted to make us laugh and he did a great job doing so! He closed out by sharing with the audience off camera that his deceased mother talks to him every day. That he had been homeless and slept in his car; he had days where he didn’t know if he could move forward in life but that his mother would and still do, come to him often, and reminds him to pray. She had always taught him that prayer changes things. So I leave you with that this evening. Pray. Prayer WILL change everything.  

P.S. – Brown Sugar Bakery which was voted best Bakery in the country by Steve Harvey’s online voters had thee best cupcakes! Stop by if you’re ever in town!

    

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